I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
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It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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