no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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