Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
