New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
