I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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