Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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