Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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