Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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