On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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