Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
