i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
