Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
