Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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