what day is it and did you see me today?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
NoShamevember. You game?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
