i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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