her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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