never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
