ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
