its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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