I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
