If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
