morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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