Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
