totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
