Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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