the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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