remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
