my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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