Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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