just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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