i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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