There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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