I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
