Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
