i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
