It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
