low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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