Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
