eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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