No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
