can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i will never coherently bang her
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
FUCK WHALES
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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