I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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