Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm at about main and main street
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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