God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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