That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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