About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
