Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
