He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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