Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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