my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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