Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
