She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
