I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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