He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
