the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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