You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
