you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
