I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize