So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
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I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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